Democrats’ New Plan: A Strongly Worded Letter to Mike Johnson Over Biden’s Brain Fog

Bias: Left Lean

Quick Take

• Rep. Dean Phillips (D-MN) is leading Democrats in drafting a strongly worded letter to House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) for not exposing President Biden’s mental decline.
• Phillips insists Democrats are blameless, just following party orders.
• He’s not mad at the media either, they’re just the Democrats’ communication team.
• Johnson’s sin? Knowing Biden was confused about signing executive orders in January 2024 and doing nothing.
• The letter, a masterpiece of outrage, will absolve all by pretending to care while ensuring severe consequences.

Mike’s Fault

Democrats plan to unleash their ultimate weapon: a strongly worded letter to House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA). The target? Johnson’s failure to blow the whistle on President Joe Biden’s mental misadventures. Phillips, who’s basically Captain Obvious in a Fair Trade cardigan, claims this letter will be so scathing it might need its own trigger warning. Phillips is adamant that Democrats are innocent as Jen Psaki.

The crime, per Phillips, is Johnson’s silence after a January 2024 incident where Biden signed two executive orders, one freezing liquid natural gas exports, another banning porn, and then asked, “Wait, did I sign the gas thing or the… uh… naughty stuff?” Johnson shared this on Fox News but didn’t chain himself to the Capitol steps in protest. “Mike knew Joe was lost in Brain Fog City and just munched his waffle fries instead,” Phillips said. “He should’ve been screaming ‘Code Dementia!’ from the rooftops!”

Phillips smells a conspiracy funkier than Pete Buttigieg’s mustache. He’s convinced RINOs, DINOs, and the Deep State are rigging every hearing to be as impactful as a TikTok dance. “It’s all a sham,they fake-fight, then high-five behind closed doors. Nobody’s getting fired. It’s like pro wrestling, but with worse hairpieces.”

Enter the letter, Washington’s favorite way to fake concern. “This letter’s gonna have words like ‘abject failure’ and ‘shameful inaction,’” Phillips bragged. “It’ll look like we care, but don’t worry, nothing’s changing.” Political guru Dr. Linda Quip called it “the diplomatic equivalent of a passive-aggressive Post-it note. It’s loud, pointless, and nobody reads it.”

Johnson, meanwhile, is chilling. “I’ll give it a skim.” As Phillips sharpens his quill for this epic non-event, America waits for the next controversy, probably another letter. Democracy’s never been so… wordy.

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