How to become a journalist

Editorial Board

Here are 10 easy steps to be a journalist

1. Pick a target
   1. To be clear, you are not selecting a topic, you are actively seeking out a target to manufacture interest from people who think exactly like you with a goal ruing a person or business.
   1. Private citizens are best
   1. Business
2. Start with your conclusion
   1. Don’t worry about a hypothesis. Whether it’s minimal evidence, or no evidence at all, write the conclusion. Speculate, be unreasonable, don’t worry about the truth.
3. Prepare your context
   1. This is where you fine-tune your conclusion and let your subjectivity flow. Seek complete affirmation. Gather info from echo chambers, group-think, and like minded individuals to reinforce conclusions. Make stuff up and then site an anonymous source
4. Write the story
   1. Ensure there are no solutions
   1. Highlight the problems, no matter how small and irrelevant, and invoke fear
   1. Offer no grace
   1. Demand submission, an apology, or a boycott
   1. Total embarrassment and attempted annihilation is key
5. Integrate story with one of the following topics
   1. Race
   1. Sexism
   1. Gender
   1. White supremacy
   1. Social Justice Warriors
6. Use at least one of the following words
   1. Diversity
   1. Equity
   1. Inclusion
   1. Right-wing
   1. Republican
   1. Democrat
   1. Liberal
   1. Progressive
   1. Indoctrination
   1. Patriarchy
   1. Grooming
   1. No explanation needed.
7. Use an “expert” who aligns with your opinion
8. Use numbers and stats that enhance your story and exclude evidence that can contradict your story
9. Create attention grabbing click bait headline ex. Experts say…
10. Ask for comment two hours before story is published to give target enough time to respond, and then publish story in one hour of asking for comment.

Congratulations. You are now a journalist.