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AMERICA'S BEST REALISH NEWS
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Carnival Cruise Teams Up with UFC to Monetize Passenger Fights
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Jim Acosta’s Career Hits Midnight: Disgraced CNN Host Summons AI Ghost to Stay Relevant
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democrats Flee Out of Texas to Avoid Payback from Their Own Redistricting Renaissance: “Low-d” Panic Hits Record Levels
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Judge Tosses Jada Pinkett Smith’s Lawsuit Against Jamie Harrison’s Podcast “At Our Table”: ‘Red Table Talk’ Confusion Not Grounds for Federal Intervention
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Dean Phillips Goes Scorched Earth on Kamala Harris: Hires $100 Million Hit Squad, Declares Himself Border Queen’s Worst Nightmare
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Democrats Embrace Extreme Close-Ups to Win Votes, Fat Joe says they should ‘Lean Back’
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Sports
Nike acquires XX-XY for $100 million: A Win for Riley Gaines, J.K. Rowling, and Women’s Sports
News
News
Couple Sparks Debate Over “Success-Breeding,” White Parents Say They Reimagined Slave-Breeding, Critics Say It’s just “e(Eugenics)Harmony for Heritage”
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Democrat Activist Accidentally Gets Red-Pilled by Waffle House Enforcers After “Republican Restaurant” List Backfires
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CNN trades Scott Jennings to Fox in exchange for Jessica Tarlov, Harold Ford Jr., two interns named Bryce, and the retired “Fair & Balanced” slogan.
News
Musk Unveils Tesla’s New Ride-Share Service “XXpress,” Featuring ‘Ovaries Only’ Mode for Birthing People
Politics
Politics
Democrats Ditch Butter Knives, Embrace Shanks in Rusty New Strategy to Reclaim Redistricting Glory
Politics
Trump Accuses ‘Chuck Coreleone’ of Extorting Republicans in New Senate “Brick-for-Vote” Scandal
Politics
Trump Announces Launch of “Trump Peaches,” Refuses to Pay Tariffs on Chinese Peaches, Opens MAGA Orchard in Atlanta
Politics
Trump Revives Presidential Fitness Test After Trying Oreo’s Reese’s Cookie
Sports
Sports
Clay Travis Officially Updates His Life Priorities: “First Amendment, Boobs, and Green Dildos,” in Light of WNBA’s “Green Missile Phenomenon”
Sports
Jimmy Haslam Distances Himself From Shedeur Sanders (Black Johnny Manziel) Draft Pick: “My Name’s Bennett and I Ain’t In It”
Sports
UGA Football Outlaws Cars, Fast & Furious Franchise, and Anything That Rhymes With “Vroom
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Sports
Nike acquires XX-XY for $100 million: A Win for Riley Gaines, J.K. Rowling, and Women’s Sports
Entertainment
Entertainment
Sydney Sweeney Accused of Nazi Ties After Wearing Denim, Experts Say Her Initials ‘SS’ Are No Coincidence
Entertainment
Rupert Murdoch Nominated for NAACP Image Award After “Years of Accidentally Uplifting Black Culture”
Entertainment
Oscars’ New Rules: Only the Heavy and Homely Need Apply for Best Picture Glory
Entertainment
The IRS vs. Beyoncé: A Tax Fiasco Fit for a Hunter Biden
Peeled Onion
The Peeled Onion
The Onion Recalls Its Own Relevance After High Noon Article Falls Flat
RatingRacism
RatingRacism
Costco Proudly Rolls Out ‘White Only’ Fee, Says It’s the Bulk Buy of Racial Justice
RatingRacism
ESPN’s Mark Dennis Jr. Identifies Fifth Racist Thing This Week, This Time, It’s Leg Day”
RatingRacism
Good Humor Unmutes “Racist” Ice Cream Song, Says It’s No Longer Melting Minds
Opinion
Opinion
NEW POLL: All Americans Have Never Responded to a Presidential Approval Survey, According to 100% of Our Respondents
Opinion
Shut The F**K UP: Poll Shows 72% of Americans Want Democrats to Take a Vow of Silence
Opinion
Good Billionaires vs. Bad Billionaires: A Totally Objective Guide
Opinion
Benny the Bunny Spills the Carrots on Biden’s 2022 Easter Egg Roll Disaster
Opinion
Experts Say Robot Colors are Racist, and they are, Here’s Why
Opinion
Unleash the Outrage Mob: Journalism’s 15-Steps for relavancy
In Case You Missed It
If you hate Black licorice, you might be racist. Here’s why
Trump Plans to Replace MLK Day for Reginald F. Lewis Day, or ‘Black Billionaire Day’
The ACLU’s Plea to Democrats: Quit Cussing, it’s Embarrassing!
Democrats for Dummies App: Bridging the Gap Between Elites, Snobs, The Educated and Everyone Else
Jake Tapper: The Unsung Hero of Biden’s “Out-to-Lunch” Cover-Up
August 17, 2026
