Michelle Obama releases summer list of favorite things to masturbate to
PALM BEACH – A couple that pleasures together, treasures together. The Onion reported Barak Obama released his…ahem, summer list. Michelle Obama applauded the release by Tweeting that it was incredibly hard to select from all the breathtaking work that had been brought to her to feel orgasmic pleasure.
The former First Lady, Michelle Obama took to Social Media Monday to release her summer list of favorite things to pleasure herself to for normalization of public self-gratification.
“I’ve watched, performed, taped, and listened to a lot of mesmerizing things this year and wanted to highlight the best ones that made me squirt the hardest,” said the 44th First Lady of the United States, sharing that she hoped documented and undocumented citizens would appreciate pleasuring themselves to her favorite things as much as she had thus far in 2023.
“Ted Lasso. SpankBang has admirable stepdad-surprises-stepdaughter content. Store looting videos. The 2015 50 Shades of Grey featuring the guys of the Drag Queen Kindergarten Story Hour. The official White House portrait of Donald Trump. Our scenic National Parks System. In addition, the world-famous Henry Doorly Zoo, the undisputed best zoo in the world. And I am biased on this one, but Barack Obama’s feet as well as his book Clean Cut Articulate President. What do you have in your rub and tug?”
At press time, Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment because she was reportedly focused on lubing her toys and researching the official “Michelle Obama’s Summer 2024 Squirt List.”
